I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
