did you get engaged???
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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