So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
