I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
