just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
