why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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