even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
