i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
