This dress was meant to end up on your floor
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize