my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
