eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
