Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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