He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
