I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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