Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
