i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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