her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
