The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
