Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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