Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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