Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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