your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
