There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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