Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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