i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize