My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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