doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
