He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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