Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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