it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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