Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
