They should really pass out barf bags in church
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
