No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
