Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
