If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize