I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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