Your face is a jimmy john
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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