I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
