apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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