On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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