just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize