Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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