This girl is more easily done than said...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
