look no pants
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
