Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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