I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
