Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I met the friendliest cop last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
