I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
