My nipple is on Facebook.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize