So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
