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I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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