Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
