I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
