I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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