i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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