During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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