Dual....:-)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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