i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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