Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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