I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
