i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
