So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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