I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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