thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
