We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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