so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
