my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize