Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
