there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
