he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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