told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
