i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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