I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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