That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
