I'm gonna have a badass scar
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
