You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
