peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
