I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
