yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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