ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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