Small penises have feelings too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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