just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
