my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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