I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
