i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize