Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
