Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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