just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize