I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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