Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm always down for nudity.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
