you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize