make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize