it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
