im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
