so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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