if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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