Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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