you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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