I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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