Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
