the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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