I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
