I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
