i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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