she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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