Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize